User:GoldenSandslash15/VoyagerAbridged4

(Bridge)

Janeway: Mr. Neelix, what do you know about this planet that we're approaching?

Neelix: Absolutely nothing.

Kes: I know that they're all dead.

(They beam down)

Janeway: Wow. This place really sucks. It's almost as bad as our parody series. Almost.

(Logo appears - Star Trek Voyager: The Abridged Series)

(Paris and Janeway go back in time)

Janeway: I FREAKING HATE TIME TRAVEL!

Paris: Working on a catch phrase?

Janeway: More or less.

Kid: These two demons appeared out of nowhere!

Officer: Well, since you are only a small child, clearly you must be telling the truth.

(Paris and Janeway run off.)

Paris: According to the clock in this store, the planet blows up tomorrow.

Janeway: Since when have you ever seen a clock store with an accurate clock?

Paris: Good point. I guess there's nothing to worry about.

(Sickbay)

(Kes is injured)

The Doctor: Finally, people remember my function aboard this ship. Just when I wanted to be deleted. Well, thank god that's over. (Checks computer) That's odd. You aren't listed in the crew manifest.

Kes: Neelix and I are unknown aliens, and the Maquis are part of the crew now.

The Doctor: In that case, please delete my program now.

(Back on the planet)

Paris: Let's violate the prime directive!

Janeway: No. That would stop us from getting killed.

(They get captured by protesters)

Janeway: What are you guys protesting anyway?

Makull: We don't really know. It's kinda vague.

Terla: Yeah, you should have seen our last protest.

(Flashback to the protest)

Protesters: You guys suck!

Power Plant People: No, you guys suck!

Protesters: Oh, you did not!

Power Plant People: What are you gonna do about it?

Protesters: We're gonna destroy the world!

Power Plant People: Seriously?

Protesters: Nah, just a figure of speech. What are the odds of the world actually being destroyed?

(Cut to Paris and Janeway's time frame)

Janeway: Oh please. Our past is far more interesting than that.

Makull: Try me.

Janeway: We're space explorers from the future who got sent back in time after your planet was destroyed.

Paris: Captain. What about the Prime Directive?

Janeway: I figured, "What the hell?"

(The protesters take Janeway to the power plant)

Makull: If you don't lie to the guard, we'll kill some kid that you just met, don't care about, and have no legal obligation to protect.

Janeway: Hey, Guard! I'm a hostage.

(Makull shoots the kid)

Janeway: Thanks for that. It was annoying pretending to be a demon.

Paris: Yeah, you probably would have won if you had just threatened me instead.

(Janeway and Makull are in the power plant.)

Janeway: If you succeed, this planet will be destroyed.

Makull: Only if you use your phaser.

Janeway: So? What's your point?

(Voyager's Bridge)

Chakotay: Initiate the portal!

(The portal appears near Janeway, she shoots it with her phaser and stops it)

Janeway: Wait. If the planet was never destroyed, I would never come down here, so I would never get a chance to save the planet, so it would be destroyed, so I would come down here, so I would… You know what? I FREAKING HATE TIME TRAVEL.

(Janeway is back on Voyager)

Kes: And therefore this entire episode never happened.

Janeway: What a waste of production budget.

(Text appears)

THE END

By GoldenSandslash

(Bridge)

Kes: It's incredibly vague whether or not I remember the events of this episode.

Neelix: What do you mean?

Kes: I knew something about the planet, even when nothing happened.

Neelix: We all knew something. It's, uh, round.

Kes: I guess.

Neelix: By the way, if you're looking for the post-episode joke, there isn't one.