User:GoldenSandslash15/VoyagerAbridged3

(Text appears on screen)

Crew Member Evaluation: B'Elanna Torres

Carey: She broke my nose! I want her dead!

Tuvok: She is a danger to this crew, Captain. I recommend we put her in the brig.

Seska: I'm just here for foreshadowing.

Chakotay: I want her promoted.

(record scratch)

Chakotay: What?

(Title logo appears - Star Trek Voyager: The Abridged Series)

(Ready Room)

Janeway: Unacceptable behavior, Lieutenant Torres. You can't just go around hurting members of my crew.

Torres: Carey just gets in my way. I wish he'd disappear.

Janeway: Wait until the end of the season, B'Elanna.

Torres: Boy, I sure am glad I quit Starfleet.

Janeway: Why did you quit, anyway?

Torres: …

Janeway: …

Torres: Um, I wanted to…?

Janeway: Fair enough. Dismissed.

(She leaves, Chakotay comes in)

Janeway: So, congratulations on becoming my first officer.

Chakotay: Thank you, Captain. I believe we still have to find jobs for the rest of the provisional crew as well.

Janeway: You're right. I've already placed Neelix and Kes on the senior staff. They are, after all, the least experienced people on the whole ship, so it stands to reason that they get the most difficult jobs.

Chakotay: You know, Captain, I wasn't kidding when I said B'Elanna Torres should be Chief Engineer.

Janeway: Oh, please. She's probably the most qualified person for the job. There's no way I'd do that.

Chakotay: But Captain-

Janeway: I don't want to talk about it. We need more plots for this episode to change the topic.

(Sickbay)

Kim: Honey, I Shrunk The Doctor.

(Bridge)

Paris: We picked up another ship out there.

(Ready Room)

Janeway: Perfect.

(Engineering)

Janeway: I want answers, people.

Carey: Here's an answer. Forty-two.

Janeway: Impressive. I can see why you'd make a better Chief Engineer.

Torres: He's wrong, Captain. The meaning of life in the Star Trek universe is Forty-seven.

Janeway: Impressive. But unfortunately, we still have time left in the episode, so Carey wins for now.

(Briefing Room)

Torres: The other ship is Voyager.

Paris: HAI GAIZ I DUN GET IT D:

Torres: It's a time loop thingy.

Paris: I STIL DUN GET IT D:

(Bridge)

Janeway: We're caught in a time loop. How do we get out?

Torres: We can use a blah blah blah beam.

Janeway: What?

Torres: Made-up Fancy Science-Like Words.

Janeway: What?

Torres: Technobabble.

Janeway: Oh. Right. Good idea. Let's do it.

Paris: We're too close. I'll have to take B'Elanna in a shuttle to try her idea.

Janeway: No. I'll go with B'Elanna.

Paris: But Captain, the Paris/Torres shippers want more scenes with the two of us.

Janeway: It's a mission, nothing romantic.

Paris: Anytime any two characters are together on the screen for any reason, it means that they are in love. Personally, I support those two random people in the background that we'll never explain or see again.

Janeway: Mr. Paris, you're still trying to get over Stadi, aren't you?

Paris: Pretty much. So, B'Elanna, what do you say?

Torres: Me, with you? That's not realistic at all, sorry.

Paris: Then the shipping is confirmed as canon!

Torres: You're just making these rules up as you go, aren't you?

Paris: Yep.

(Shuttle)

Janeway: Take us through that hole and we should be ready to return to Voyager.

Torres: Course laid in. But there are two Voyagers. Which do we go to?

Janeway: I FREAKING HATE TIME TRAVEL!

Torres: Captain…?

Janeway: We've gone into the future. Two Voyagers is a Season 2 Episode.

Torres: Actually, it's just unoriginal writing. But since my character is always right in this episode, I suppose I have to make the decision. We'll go to that Voyager.

Janeway: You're wrong.

Torres: No way! I can't be wrong in this episode.

Janeway: You just were. Let's head back.

(Engineering)

Janeway: And so, B'Elanna Torres is hereby promoted to Chief Engineer.

Chakotay: Told you.

Janeway: Shut up.

(Text on Screen)

THE END

By GoldenSandslash

(Sickbay)

The Doctor: Don't forget about me. I'm still shrinking.

Torres: Oh, that. We fixed it off-screen.

The Doctor: Wow, I didn't think the show would sink as low as to use a Deus Ex Machina.

Torres: Yep. Bye.

(She Leaves)

The Doctor: You left me turned on again. (pause) Hello? (pause) Lieutenant? (pause) Anybody?

Narrator: Computer, end episode.

(Cut to black)

The Doctor: HEY! Oh, so we're back to this joke now?